If one word could sum up how I have felt the past few weeks, that would probably be it. I am so unsure of so many things right now, and even though I AM sure of God's love, faithfulness, and grace, I am still finding myself very discouraged.

School has been a mess, more or less. I am finished with exams, but I didn't do as well in Anatomy as I was hoping. I work really hard to try to bring my grade up all semester, but to no avail. I am so unsure as to what major I should pursue. It is frustrating because getting a degree isn't what is first in my heart (being a wife and mommy is) but at this point in my life it is what I need to do. It is just hard, because my dad will always ask me "Well, Beth, what do you want to get a degree in?" It's not so much WHAT I get it in, but that I finish one. I can never seem to answer his question. To make things even harder, I found out all too late that I could have graduated this spring with THREE associate degrees. I have taken so many classes here and there that I have meet the requirements for the general studies, science, and education degree. When I switched from nursing, though, I started working on the science degree that would transfer specifically to Virginia Tech, in case I wanted to get a bachelor's in horticulture.  I originally thought I only needed two more classes for it, but there are actually five that I need (because I took world history instead of American). So, I will finish most of it up in the fall, and then have one class left in the spring, so I will graduate, after four years, with a two year degree in the spring of 2010. Whew.  I do have a rock climbing and repelling class this fall, though, and I am excited about that.

So, I have really been unsure about school in general, and specifically where I need to be going. Right now I am not going anywhere, and it feels like I am taking classes with no end goal!

I have, however, been looking into studying abroad in the spring of 2010. I have always wanted to travel, and it seems like this would be the time to do it. I don't really know what to study, so, I could knock out the last few classes that I need to finish up my degree from New River and see the world at the same time. There is a school in Rome, John Cabot University, that I really like and have been looking into a lot. It is an American University, but it is in Rome. All of the classes (except for Italian) are taught in English, but you don't live in dorms. Rather, you and a room mate live in Italian apartments... where you would hang your laundry out to dry outside the window, buy groceries at the market, and eat breakfast at the bakery/coffee shop, just like the locals do. I am really excited about it... other than the part about being away from home and alone for almost six months. I know that I would regret it if I didn't go, though. Another barrier is that is costs twice my current life savings, so, this is something else I am unsure of.

Andrew will be home in a few weeks... I hope. It has been a "few weeks" for two and a half months now. I am excited, but there is a lot of anxiousness, and even dread, because coming home is so much harder then him leaving. He is a different person, and we will both have a lot to work through... as far as our relationship goes as on an individual level. It is just going to be crazy.  At least he will be home over the summer and not while I am in school!

Now that school is out, I have been working at the nursery full time, 9-5 almost every day, and it is really taking a toll on my body. As much as I hate it, my body just can't take it, even though I am 20 and should have no problem. I just get worn out easily, and once I am worn down it takes forever to get back on track. I need to be working a lot, especially if I want to go to Rome next year, but I'm just tired. I would rather be working there than anywhere else, though, so I need to be thankful.

To end this post, I am even unsure about what to do with this Xanga blog. I really love Xanga, and have had this site since 11th grade, but I don't post as much as I used to, and most of the Xangan's that I used to keep up with are long gone. I have thought about closing down my site, but I probably won't do that, because I still like to get one and read people's sites, and random blogs here and there. I am just not as active a member of the community as I used to be! So, I will probably still be around here and there, but not like I used to.

Hello all...
I haven't been on Xanga much lately, but I sure do miss all of you! I try to get on and catch up with a few posts now and then, but it's just not the same.
Right now I am in my final two weeks of school. It is rather crazy, because I actually only have one exam, but I have a TON of things due the week before. My last week is far busier than exam week. On top of that, I have been working after school on Thursdays at the nursery, and then all day Friday and Saturday. All of the stock should sell in about the next five weeks, and then the season will be over, so right now it is crunch time! I haven't been babysitting as much due to that job, but I hope to pick it up again full swing in the summer.
Also, Andrew will be home in around four weeks, and quite frankly the excitement and nervousness is overwhelming and exhausting.
I also have a cold... I always seem to get a cold when I get worn down, and then can never get fully over it. I will get 90% better, and then relapse again.

That's all I have time for right now, I need to get ready so I can take the kiddos to school and then go to school myself, but I hope you all are doing well!!